The Ugliest Kitchen In America

So we just gutted the kitchen because it was by far the ugliest room in the house. It was also the dirtiest. Part of the cabinet under the sink had actually rusted out. It did come with a free mouse trap so that was nice. I'm not sure what design scheme they were going for with all of this. Let's start with my favorite part... the BORDER! 


Yes, that is apple pie (and dirty pie dishes) on the border. Someone was walking through a Kmart at some point and saw that on a shelf and made the conscious decision to purchase it. Then they took it home and installed it. On purpose. "Oh. My kitchen isn't dirty enough. Why don't I put up this border with dirty pie dishes on it. That'll be pretty." And it sure is... not.  

The Ugliest Kitchen in America

Why would anyone make a soffit that large? The cabinets and sink were actually quite fabulous. They are old and metal. Not original to the house but still really cool. Unfortunately, someone took off the original metal cabinet doors and replaced them with these hideous plywood doors. Then they didn't clean them ever again so they had this strange grease/smoke/cat hair film on them. 

The dishwasher smelled like a dead hooker. 

The cabinet pulls/handles were put on at the strangest angle. You could lay down on the floor or on the countertop and still reach the pulls. 

And then the one random oak cabinet. I like to call it a "feature cabinet" to make it seem more like a design preference and less like they ran out of metal cabinets and just stuck in an oak one like nobody would ever know the difference. They clearly did not watch HGTV.

They took the stove and refrigerator with them. Which was a little sad because I can only imagine what a prize those were. 

The Lone Oak Cabinet

At least the stick-on parquet faux wood flooring was charming. I didn't mind the faux tin backsplash either but it was starting to peel off.

I put the kitchen cabinets on Facebook Marketplace and immediately had several responses and then some poor soul pulled up with a trailer and took them off to their new home.