Little Edie the Hostile Hosta Hobo


The world is her runway.


Our house came with a cat! Which was terribly exciting because I've never had a cat before. Edith "Little Edie" Bouvier Beale lives in our gardens. Little Edie is white and has just a little bit of gray around her legs. Or she is just super dirty because she doesn't have parents. 

She can usually be found prowling around the barn or sunning herself on the front sidewalk. She was here the first time that we came to look at the house in November of 2017 and has never left. I don't know if it was her house first or if she was abandoned by the previous owners or if she is some kind of weird "squatting" cat breed. I was afraid we were not going to be friends because she can be kind of a bitch. 

We bought this really great patio furniture and she lays on it and gets her fur everywhere. We had to buy one of those lint roller things to get her hair off because she hasn't washed it in years. It's like she is marking her territory. I guess that is better than her pissing on it or bringing us dead mice or whatever normal house cats do. 

I tried to make friends with her but she just wasn't having it. 

Me: Awwww! Hello, Kitty! 
Little Edie: (silence/glaring)
Me: Do you want some milk?
Little Edie: HCCCCCCHHHHH (evil cat noises and glaring)
Me: Umm... maybe soy milk? Caesar Salad? 
Little Edie: HRCHHHHHHHH (more evil cat noises and glaring)
Me: A martini? 
Little Edie: ACHHHHH (lots of evil cat noises as she ran away from me)

That's when I knew we were going to be best friends because she's clearly an emotional eater. 

She's grown on me. I thought she was dead a couple of weeks ago but she was just sleepy. I'm thinking of feeding her some Xanax-laced milk and taking her to the groomer. I think she'd be just adorable with pink hair and some little bows. Maybe a little kitty parka and some boots. 

My future. 

My future.