About Us

 

 
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The Boss

Gary was born in Ossian, Iowa and is a gifted designer, architect, carpenter, craftsman, chef, engineer, and accountant. He is the handsome one. His position mostly consists of saying no to things and yelling at contractors. He can cook or build anything and really likes for things to be symmetrical. Gary recently spent six months designing the coffered ceiling in the kitchen because it all had to be perfectly even (in our 135-year-old house that has not a single straight wall). The ceiling now has over 200 pieces of trim... Gary may have some OCD issues that are not annoying at all. He is also in charge of anything that requires budgeting at Gaye Gardens because Nick thinks that money grows on trees. Gary likes traditional colors, antiques, classic art pieces and design elements that are rich with history. 

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The Mess

Nick is from Widefield, Colorado and is a writer, designer, dirt stylist and shameless self-promoter. Nick is a big picture person (a.k.a. doesn't understand math or how units of measurement work) and his job at Gaye Gardens mostly consists of writing the blog and coming up with ideas that Gary says no to because they are too expensive or illogical. Apparently covering the entire living room (walls and ceiling) in 1" square mirrored tiles is not "feasible" or "practical" and would require an extensive increase in the Windex budget even though it would be lovely to live inside a disco ball. Nick loves the color pink, lucite, crystals, glitter and anything that looks like it came out of 1987 or a brothel. He also writes books for bad people as Jethro Collins.

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The Supermodel

Clarice has been modeling since the mid-1980s. She lived with my dear friend Julia until we adopted her in late 2011. Clarice suffered a tragic accident in 2012 (when Gary attempted to murder her in a garage) and has lost the use of both hands. She didn't really use them but you get the point. Now I keep her hands in a gift bag that I got from my mom for my birthday until I can find a nice display case for what is left of her fingers. Clarice lives in our attic and is the star of my 2015 book Love in The Time of Contracts. Nobody bought it because it got really horrible reviews and it was about Scientology but Clarice is fabulous in it. You can follow her on Instagram at @itsclaricebitch.

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The Party Animal

Edith "Little Edie" Bouvier Beale lives in our gardens. She's kind of dirty looking but she won't come close enough to let us catch and wash or Febreze her properly. I think the only bath she gets is when it rains. She was abandoned with our house so we adopted her. She really likes sleeping, hiding in the garden and jumping out at you when you least expect it because the house isn't creepy enough, and giving dirty looks of unflappable superiority that spring from total detachment and disinterest. Little Edie is clearly a Gemini.

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We will get to this...